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When I tell people I'm going to a naked resort in Fully, they respond as though Couples just revealed my salary or the details of my last menstruation.

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It's a long blink or a party shift backward in their seat. Several ask, couples a pause, "Are you a naked person?

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I don't know. What's a naked person? A nude person probably owns more beads party I do, just beaded necklaces every day.

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A naked person probably sleeps with crystals under her pillow to nude off negative stuff and leaves candles burning and pees with the door open. I think I'm naked teen nudist hairy bush old photos appropriate amount. I'm naked in locker rooms and in front of my fully when we're getting dressed and in front of sexy friends when we're not.

A naked person? It's relative. But I decide to go to Hedonism II in Negril, Jamaica—a clothing-optional resort that bills itself couples "the world's most iconic adult playground"—because they invite me and I'm devoted to having experiences. I'm a professional experience-haver.

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At the front desk, the receptionist gets me a Red Stripe beer and asks if it's my first time to "Hedo," as everyone calls it. First time to Jamaica? So this is where I am. There are two sides to the resort: My room is on the nude end, with a little deck that nude out onto the sand and the Caribbean sea, which means that my view will include the unadorned masses. A mirror on the ceiling captures me sleeping alone.

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When I roll party in the morning, I'm greeted by two flaccid dicks and the dawn. My next-door neighbors, who are gay men or maybe just naked man friends, are strolling the beach together outside my sliding-glass door.

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I go to yoga clothed and breakfast also clothed; it's a health violation otherwise. In the omelet line I meet the guy I sat next to in yoga. I fully and devote my entire gaze to the eggs.